41

So, today is my birthday. My 41st to be exact. It’s been an interesting journey to this point with ups and downs like everyone else.  Like I touched upon in the last post, it has been a rocky year.  It started out strong, but went downhill after that.  Some of that stuff I could have controlled, while other parts of it I could not.  That’s irrelevant, though.  None of that changes things today.  In fact, I had this picture posted up on my Facebook a week or so ago.  I think it sums things up perfectly for me (disclosure:  I stole this from the Marathon Nation’s FB feed).

Dwelling on the past does me no good.  It just makes things worse for me, and as someone who battles with depression, making things worse is the LAST thing I need.  Keeping a positive perspective on things is much more productive, and something that I am working really hard on doing.

So, to segue in to the “meat” of this post, I really do want to make this year the positive year I know it can be.  As a result of that, I’m setting some goals and making them public.  That way, you can hold me accountable for this.  In the end, though, I know it is up to me to make this happen.  So, without further ado, here are my goals for the coming lap around the sun:

- Keep running

This one should be self-explanatory.  However, I thought that I was at this point last October.  I had discovered how joyful and invigorating running on a regular basis could be, especially the long runs.  I was thinking about that the other day, about how much FUN a 2 or 3 hour run could be.  I yearn to get back to that point.  It will happen, I know.  I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and not let the noise of life get me down.

- Run another Marathon

Again, self-explanatory.  I’ve taken steps, and I have registered for the Lansing Marathon in April of 2013.  I really wanted to run the inaugural edition this year, but just couldn’t make that happen.  I worry, though, that my window to get some sort of base down prior to training is rapidly shrinking.  That’s another reason for the goal above.  My main goal for Lansing is to beat my time from last October.  What I’d really like to do is get below 4:30, but at this point, I’d settle for beating my PR.  I do want to run another marathon in 2013, but it would be in the fall, and therefore when I’m 42, so I’m not including that here.

-Sub 1:00 Bolder Boulder

The first time I ran Boulder was in 2011, and I was going for speed.  I ran that in about 1:03.  This year (2012), I ran/walked it with Diane and Connor, and I did it in 1:44.  It was strictly for fun this year.  Next year, I want to break the hour mark.  I came close in a 10K I ran in July of 2011, missing it by 10 seconds, but this is the one I really, really want to break an hour in first.  It should be very doable, especially since it comes about a month after the Lansing Marathon.  I will still be in marathon shape, so hopefully that bodes well.

- Lose 50 pounds

This one kind of speaks for itself.  I’ve let myself get fat and lazy over the past several months.  I’ve eaten like crap and I just haven’t exercised.  This goal is very much in my control, and I know that I can get there.  I have the tools in place, because I’ve done it before.  I know that if I lose the weight, I can become a faster, more consistent runner as well as just feeling better on a daily basis.

- Simplify Life

This sounds like a good goal, but how does one really accomplish it?  Life in general these days for me is pretty complicated.  I know that things will simplify on their own once the house sells and I get into a smaller place.  I know that as I work on the last goal that I have listed below, things will simplify as well.  I think what I mean by this is that I just need to take better care of myself and learn about me.

- Get and keep my head on straight

Oh, boy…where to start with this one??  Right now, my overwhelming feelings are those of insanity.  So much has happened over the past several months, that it feels like things are just being thrown at me one after another.  With Connor moving out-of-state, my marriage ending, work uncertainty and so many other things, I’m often left grasping at straws to keep things going.  My biggest goal for the next year is to just figure out what is going on and the best way to deal with it all without going down some self-destructive path.  That is my challenge.  Running and fitness will play a key role in all of that.  If I can keep going that way, then the rest should follow.  It’s scary to look inward at yourself because you know what your flaws are.  The challenge is determining the good in you.  None of us are perfect, we all have our flaws.  I think the key, though, to keeping your head on straight is to not dwell on those flaws, but to be realistic about them.  At the same time, recognize and celebrate your strengths.

- Take more risks

I’m not talking about the skydiving, daredevil type risks that could wind me up in the hospital.  I’m just talking about daily risks.  Taking on a project at work, going to a meetup group (for an introvert like me, that’s terrifying), being vulnerable to a friend.  Those sorts of risks.  Those are things that I have held back from forever.  I need to get out of my cage a bit more, so to speak.

So, that’s my list of goals for the coming year.  I think that all of it boils down to me taking care of myself.  It’s a tall order, but I do think I have it in me to do so.  Anyway, if you are still reading, thanks for following along this long.  Until next time, stay safe and Happy Running!